Have you ever heard your spouse say, “I’m just not in the mood?” Have you have ever said that to your spouse? No, I don’t want to have sex tonight because…. And we fill in the blank with a busy day, kids drove me crazy, washing machine broke and water was everywhere, too many things going on at work, or I’m mad at you. The list is endless. There will always be “things” that get in the way of us sharing an intimate time.
So let me confess; it’s easier to blog about how to handle your money than how to have a better sex life. But since our blog is Common Sense Marriage, I guess it’s only common sense to talk about sex occasionally.
The question is should we let our mood determine our actions?
There are legitimate times when we are affected by circumstances that prohibit us from being intimate with our spouse. There may have been a death in the family, a physical condition or sickness, or a truly stressful job circumstance.
Apart from exceptional circumstances, we need to be in a position that we don’t use the MOOD card. We should be selfless lovers, willing to put aside our lack of interest, and think in terms of serving our spouse. You may ask “But can I get interested in sex when I just don’t feel like it?”
If we had to wait until we “felt like it,” just think how many things in life would not get done. So what do you do when you don’t’ “feel” like you want to do the dishes, or the wash, or go to work in the morning? I bet you do it most of the time out of a sense of duty or some other practical motivation.
In relation to being open to having sex with our spouse, it may be as simple as acting first and the desire and feelings will follow. I’m simply saying that doing intimate things will likely get you in the mood. Clear your schedule and make time for being together. Clear your mind of all the “to do” lists and tasks and reset your mind on the joy of sharing time with your spouse. Prepare your heart to be open to give and receive love. Be proactive. Act on those things that will set the stage for a wonderful time together.
And if God intended sex to be a joyful experience to be shared frequently between husbands and wives then we should not let our mood get in the way of us experiencing more of that joy together.
Think about it! You might even get in the mood!