Are there struggles in your marriage that never seem to go away in spite of many times talking it through? When struggles happen over and over without getting resolved, we often try to bury the issue and avoid the triggers. Obviously nothing is solved and those issues have a way of popping up again at the most unexpected or worst times.
I think there is a better way to approach marital problems in general, and especially the recurring ones. Let’s look at a verse from Romans that you have probably seen before…
And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope… Romans 5:3-4 (NASB)
For me, being thankful in struggles is difficult! I may feel angry or sad and thankfulness is far from my mind. It is important to feel those emotions though; to analyze where they are coming from and what from our past prompts them. The point is to learn from them, decide which feelings make sense and which don’t, which square with the facts and which to let go of now that we are adults. In the process we learn about ourselves and our own personal issues.
Struggles are a constant part of life and we need to keep up the self-evaluation and discussions with our spouse to get through them. This is perseverance. Dictionary.com defines perseverance as a “steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.” Keep your purpose forefront in your minds- a better marriage with this person to whom you have committed your life. Your course of action is to keep chipping away at the issues that plague you individually and together. When a problem recurs for the nth time, that is the time to persevere all the more.
When we develop a habit of persevering through struggles with our spouse we have developed our character! We have fought for a closer marriage. Our intentions to honor our marriage vows are proven over time. Bit by bit issues are resolved, we understand and empathize with each other, we cherish and love with greater depth.
- which promotes the belief in a positive outcome related to circumstances in one’s life.
- the feeling that …events will turn out for the best
- looking forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.”
It is a good thing when you really believe your marriage will get better, that all will turn out for the best, and that we have confidence in each other! That is hope. And it is worth the persevering to get it.
Let’s go back to thankfulness now… When you have persevered through a few issues and come out with a closer relationship on the other side, then thankfulness starts to make more sense. You begin to see that struggle is an essential part of the path to a soul mate marriage and should be accepted with gratitude.
When I hear older couples say they love each other more all the time, I think that they must have thankfully practiced perseverance over many years! In the midst of struggle, try to remember what you have to look forward to and be thankful.