There is a long tradition of teaching life principles with short stories like Aesop’s fables, parables, and fairy tales. I ran across one such pithy tale in a book by Mort Fertel, Marriage FitnessAmazon. The story is one of love and sacrifice. I was struck with how well it illustrated the concept of Selfless Serving, a cornerstone principle of our blog. Here’s a brief summary of the tale.
There once was a brave knight in King Arthur’s court, Sir Gawain, who uncovered a plot to kill the King. To save the King’s life, he had to agree to marry Ragnell, the unsightliest maid in the kingdom. On their wedding night, she was amazed that he never showed revulsion or pity for her and she asked one thing of him. She asked for only one kiss.
Sir Gawain gently kissed his bride. When he opened his eyes the most beautiful women he had ever seen was lying next to him and he asked, “Where is my wife Ragnell?” She replied, “I am your wife Ragnell and now I must tell you the rest of my story”.
Ragnell told him her evil jealous stepbrother had a sorceress put a curse on her, turning her into the ugliest woman in the kingdom and because he had treated her with love and not pity, she could give him a choice. She could be beautiful by day so that all would see Sir Gawain was a lucky man married to a beautiful woman, or she could be beautiful by night when they were together. Ugly by day, beautiful by night, or beautiful by day and ugly by night. It was his choice.
Sir Gawain immediately declined to make that choice. He said that she must choose and he would accept her decision. And at that, the curse on Ragnell was lifted and she was once again beautiful by day and night.
In this simple tale, we are shown that we have choices. Gawain gave up his right to choose and let his wife choose the best for her. We can also choose to serve our own needs and wants, or we can choose to surrender our desires and selflessly give to our spouse.
Here’s a Date Night idea. Take turns asking your spouse these questions:
- Do you feel that I am attentive enough to your needs?
- Do you think I take the time to really hear what’s important to you?
- What would you say are your four most important needs?
- What can I do to better meet those needs?
Remember marriage is a “We” relationship. No one is perfect. We can all improve and we need each other. Help each other so that you can better serve and love one another.
Who knows, you may make a fairy tale marriage!