Do some of the things your spouse does really bug you? You know those little habits that are so annoying. For the most part, you have probably developed a coping mechanism that keeps things on an even keel. Well, most of the time things stay on an even keel. But in reality, you are just coping. You are burying it. You keep yourself from saying anything because you just don’t want to have another argument over a simple little thing. Why bring it up again and make a mess out of things. It’s easier to ignore it and forget it.
It certainly can be handled by using the “ignore it” method. Is that really the best way to deal with it though? Remember, when you “bury” things, even little things, it creates an unspoken barrier between you and your spouse. It may even be a little barrier, but nevertheless a barrier. These small unspoken issues can dampen the spark in your relationship. You need to be on guard and not allow the little things to grow into big things.
Let’s look at an example like the classic clothes on the floor. To be sure, he’s gotten
better over the years but for some reason he still can’t seem to remember where the clothes hamper is. Home from work, he goes in to change and sure enough, he leaves his clothes strewn on the floor again. So, what do you do? If you pick them up – again – and say nothing, what will change? If you bring it up, you feel like you’re just nagging, again.
How about a new strategy? Remember, many of life’s issues need to be lovingly negotiated. You need to collaborate together to come to a positive resolution. Try to be optimistic without being overly expectant. In other words, be hopeful that things can change, but be realistic. Some habits take years to change. Be willing to work together without a harsh or negative attitude. Try opening a discussion with “Can we talk about something later when you have a little time?” Set aside uninterrupted time to have a talk together. Bring the subject up with a spirit of wanting to work things out so that you can enjoy a closer relationship. The goal should be that you are closer and have a better relationship, not just that he remembers to pick up his clothes.
When you have time, try to work out some possible solutions to the issue. Let him know how you feel and why it is important to you. Be willing to work toward a solution over time. Usually there is no need for an immediate fix. Things truly can get better over time.
Also, always apply the rule of loving each other, even when daily annoyances bug you. Work at resolving your issues, but work more at committing to love and forgive one another.
but in fact we have addressed only an aspect of it. Next time we’ll focus on a different aspect. It is like layers of an onion getting peeled away. Each time you peel a layer you get closer to the heart of the issue and the final resolution.
out for the best, and that we have confidence in each other! That is hope. And it is worth the persevering to get it.
know the kind where they take a panoramic picture of hundreds of buildings and every piece in the puzzle is exactly the same shape and size. So you first look for the edge pieces and build the frame of the puzzle. At least we know that it has four corners. The point is that we make progress. We start with the obvious pieces and then work, sometimes slowly, to find a piece here and another there. These puzzles often stretch our patience and it’s understood that we probably won’t get it done in a day. It may take several days or even weeks to get it finished, but with patience and persistence we can usually get it together.