Who Are These Bears?

The Lions, Bees, Bears, and Otters are four temperaments explored in Dr. Sandra Scantling’s book Extraordinary Sex Now. Previously we explored the structured, disciplined Bees and the whimsical frolicking Otters. And we have also looked in on the take charge Lions. Now let’s look at the loveable supportive Bears.

A Syed

A Syed

Bears are stabilizers. No big surprises here. They tend to be thoughtful and contemplative types, often shy and retiring. They’re supportive and calming to those around them. They fear rejection the most and want to be liked, accepted, and appreciated. They are good listeners and non-confrontational, unless backed into a corner; then watch out. Bears can attack if provoked. They also tend to hide their feelings, so you will need to gently coax them out of their den. Quite cautious, Bears avoid risks. They prefer to play it safe, so don’t expect them to respond quickly or to take charge of things. They may procrastinate, waiting for a safe time to proceed.

Here are some helpful hints to keep in mind if you are married to a Bear:

  • Be clear about what you want and expect. Bears aren’t mind readers.
  • Don’t expect perfection. Bears are ok with good enough – Bees should take note.
  • Affirm and praise your Bear for positive efforts – Appreciation is important to them
  • Avoid blaming or finding fault. This will drive them into their cave. Bears with hurt feelings stew for a long time.
  • Be patient with your Bear. They will come along, but usually later rather than sooner.
  • Because they fear rejection, be thoughtful how you bring up things for constructive review.
  • Give your Bear space. If they need time to think it over, it will be time well spent.
  • Solve tough issues a little at a time, to avoid overwhelming them.

For those of you who identify with being a Bear, here are some things that will be helpful to you:

  • Make a concerted effort to understand your partner’s feelings. Practice empathy to see it through your partner’s eyes.
  • Listen to your own feelings. This is tough. Reach deep to understand what you are feeling. Then, let your partner know.
  • Work at being more assertive. Express what you think. Take a risk.
  • Open up and share things about yourself that are personal.
  • When you are hurt, be honest and willing to express what has hurt you. Don’t bottle it up.
  • Try to be more adventurous. Make the suggestion for what to do on your next date and have some fun. Learn to be a little more Otter-like.
  • And finally, it’s OK to say No. Don’t agree to do something and then be angry because you really didn’t want to do it. Be honest in the first place.

Be thankful for your Bear. They will be supportive and loyal to you. Appreciate them and don’t try to make them into a Bee or a Lion or an Otter.

Bear with them as they are.

Who Are These Lions?

The Lions, Bees, Bears, and Otters are four temperaments explored in Dr. Sandra Scantling’s book Extraordinary Sex Now. Previously we explored the structured, disciplined Bees and the whimsical, frolicking Otters. Now we’ll take a look at the bold, conquering Lions.

 Gergely Kökényesy

Gergely Kökényesy

Lions make no apologies for being in charge. They’ve mastered leadership skills and boldly take point on most projects. They are strong, confident, and responsible, prefering to do things themselves, finding security in knowing it will get done right. With all of these positive qualities, Lions can also be lonely, insecure, and concerned about being unlovable. While this seems a contradiction, it’s part of the fabric of the Lion’s temperament. They have a tough, take charge exterior, and an insecure, do you still love me interior.

Lions are quintessential extroverts. They speak candidly, then are confused why you think they’re insensitive. You asked what they thought, and true to the nature of the Lion, they told you while firmly lodging their foot in their mouth. They have high expectations and value conquering and attaining their goals. They are generous and see value in helping the less fortunate.

Here are some other qualities you will often find in the Lion:

  • They like being the initiator, the leader
  • Generally prefer to lead on their own as opposed to being a co-equal team player
  • Quick to anger and let you know their upset, but get over it quickly and move on
  • They can be short on patience and frustrated with someone who takes too much time or reflection
  • Can be intense, focused, overbearing, and pushy to get things moving
  • Appearance is important and they take pride in looking well dressed and groomed
  • They can be arrogant, self-serving, and out of touch with the needs of others

If you find that you are married to a Lion:

  • Remember they enjoy a challenge. If your relationship is  stale, try to engage him by considering together what will move your relationship from a 4 to an 8 or a 9.
  • They like to be in control, so challenging their leadership will be unwelcome. Make suggestions not demands.
  • Understand that they want to know that they are loved. Beneath the tough exterior is often insecurity.
  • They appreciate a forth right approach. Don’t beat around the proverbial bush. Get to the point.
  • Be clear when they have hurt your feelings. Lions are not the best mind readers, so you’ll have to come right out and say it. They appreciate the direct approach.
  • Lions thrive on verbal affirmations and physical shows of affection.
  • Don’t harbor hurts. Get things resolved sooner rather than later.

And some suggestions for you Lions:

  • Lions would do well to remember to be more flexible and understanding. Remember that when you reach the goal, you’ll want us with you.
  • Temper what you say and how you say it; not everyone desires to hear it like you see it.

Next time we will visit the cave of the stabilizing Bear.