Who Are These Otters?

The Lions, Bees, Bears, and Otters are four temperaments explored in Dr. Sandra Scantling’s book Extraordinary Sex Now. Previously we explored the structured, organized, and disciplined Bees. Now we’ll go on a wild ride with the enthusiastic, frolicking, and spontaneous Otters.

There’s no doubt if you’ve married an otter. They will often be heard saying with exuberance,

“Let’s just go do it!.”  

Martin Simonis

Martin Simonis

Before you know it, you’re off another great adventure to the coast, or a five hour drive to Canada straight up I-5 in the snow. Or you’ll find out that in two hours you’re hosting a party and twenty people are coming for BBQ. “But it’s OK,” you’re told, “Most of them are bringing their own beer!” Well la te da, aren’t you thrilled. They’re bringing their own beer. What do we have to worry about?

Here are a few tell tales signs that you’re an Otter or you’re living with an Otter:

  • They are charming, lovable, fun loving, and often very generous
  • Neatness is not their strong suit – after all, we can clean up tomorrow
  • There is never a dull moment – spontaneity reigns supreme
  • They love to make life joyful and take adventures just for the fun of being with you
  • They can be creative, imaginative, and great practical jokers
  • They like variety. Too much structure confines and restricts them
  • Being supportive and accommodating are some of their better qualities
  • They can easily spend all they have because money isn’t a primary concern to them
  • They are free spirited risk takers

Otters should try to remember these things in order to live in closer harmony with a non-Otter spouse:

  • A little structure won’t really hurt you
  • Try a little long term planning and set some goals with an action plan
  • Hold back on some of your impulses and reflect on choices available to you
  • Think through your options keeping in mind other’s feelings – your spouse will thank you
  • Remember to balance your need for fun with practical things, like the bills

For those of you blessed with the joy of being married to an Otter:

  • Don’t make it your life mission to change your Otter – Learn to love them as they are
  • Appreciate that their spontaneity can add passion and excitement to your lives
  • Avoid being a nagging parent type reminding your otter of chores and tasks
  • Finds ways to get things done together without crushing their otter spirit. Get stuff done and then go have fun. If fun is at the end, you’ll be surprised how fast tasks get done.
  • And finally, remember your otter is a kid at heart. Embrace and love their uniqueness.

Thank God for the Otters in our lives. They don’t see boundaries; they see possibilities. They don’t create walls; they envision the wide open expanse. They are full of joy and enthusiasm.

Hopefully, some of that will rub off on all of us.

Next time we’ll take a look at the Lion.

Who Are These Bees?

Our last blog was an overview of a book by Dr. Sandra Scantling: Extraordinary Sex Now. In her book she examines four basic temperaments: The Lion, the Bear, the Otter, and the Bee. Today we’ll take a closer look at the Bee personality.

Andrea De Stefani

Andrea De Stefani

 Generally speaking bees tend towards the following traits: Practical, ambitious, predictable, security minded, task oriented, very detailed, meticulous, good money managers, and logical. They take control and avoid impulsive behavior. They like facts over feelings and when others are patient with them, allowing them to think things through. They are all about fairness and proper balance. They value cleanliness and like things scheduled. They are good planners, but not good at delegating since they prefer to do things themselves so that they are done right. They tend to be very exacting with themselves and demanding of others.

Do you see your spouse in the list above? Or do you see yourself? Perhaps you’re a bee who married a bee and things have been very orderly since your well planned wedding.

Dr. Scantling has several hints that are quite helpful if your spouse is a bee. Here are a few:

  • Understand that they need order and structure
  • They can best communicate with facts and are overwhelmed by feelings and emotions
  • Share your admiration for their strengths and how much you appreciate them
  • Feelings don’t come easily for your bee so be open whenever they attempt to share theirs

Bees, while having so many positive strengths such as being good providers, dependable, and well-mannered, can be a handful with their constant attention to detail and need for structure. Because they are so task oriented, they may overlook many common social sensitivities. They may stress the facts rather than trying to understand what you are feeling.

And finally Dr. Scantling has a few suggestions for you if you are a bee:

  1. Learn to understand the feelings of others. They may not always seem logical to you, so you will need to learn empathy.
  2. Set aside time for a date night with your spouse. Don’t worry so much about an agenda that you overlook the joy of just spending time together.
  3. Look for the positives in your spouse and compliment them regularly.
  4. Work on sharing your hopes and dreams and plans. No need keeping all of this to yourself.
  5. Cultivate some spontaneity in your life. Drop what you’re doing and go have some fun.
  6. Work on changing your “absolute” thinking. Life isn’t always about right or wrong.
  7. Let yourself have some space if something isn’t “just perfect”. Sometimes things can be good enough as they are. Don’t stress and fuss over perfection.

We can all appreciate the wonderful qualities of Bees. After all, life is sweeter with a little honey.