The Affection Connection

Did you see one of the latest videos that hit the internet?? Check this one out:

Who said romance is dead? This video was viewed 60 MILLION times!

Bernie Mills, 80, was caught on camera waiting for his wife, Carol, 75, at Los Angeles International Airport.  When he saw her, he broke out into a smile, gave her flowers, a hug, and a kiss. The couple met on eHarmony after their spouses of 50 years died and have been married to each other  about 5 years.

Did you see it?? OK, You’re right. I’m a big mush. But I guess I’m not alone… 60 MILLION other people wanted to see this one touching video of an old guy being affectionate, at the airport, in public, in broad daylight, and he doesn’t seem to care that anyone else is looking. Yep. They call it PDA… Public displays of affection.

So what about you?? Do you ever get all squishy in public and show your spouse that they’re the best thing in your life and you can’t live without them? I know, maybe the “in public thing” is just not your style. What about at home, when no one is looking? Do you get affectionate then?

Do you know what kinds of affectionate things your spouse likes? Think about it. Some like holding hands. Others appreciate a handwritten note expressing some endearing thoughts. Or a spontaneous neck rub or foot massage. Even just a couple of scratches on an itchy back. Bringing home a few flowers, even free wild flowers that you picked next to the parking lot at work (for those of you who need to do romance on a budget). What about it? What does your spouse like? What would make him or her smile. What would make them happy that you thought of them?

And how often should you do these squishy endearing romantic little gestures? How about every day!!! You can easily stoke the fire of your love for each other by just doing a few little affectionate things on a regular basis. Make a habit of it.

Little gestures of your love for your spouse let them know that to you, they’re really special and you want to have that one to one connection. You really do care about them and you enjoy making them happy.  To be cherished in this way can make a huge difference in your spouse’s psyche and their outlook on life.

So what about it? Are you ready to show your love? Who knows, maybe someday YOU’LL show up on a You Tube video and 60 million people will be inspired…..

Need vs Wants

One of the great debates when discussing finances is how do we determine whether the item we’re considering is a need or a want?

This discussion has so many possible right answers because every situation is different. We  have a unique level of income relative to our debt and expenses. Usually our income is a set amount each month. We allocate about the same amount to bills every month and we have a certain amount left over after the bills have been paid. Some have nothing left over, largely because of accumulated debt. In either situation, we need to decide how to spend on items that are in the grey area.

 Michal Zacharzewski

Michal Zacharzewski

Do you really need that new widget? For example, many would have no issue saying their six year old, well maintained, dependable car “needs” to be replaced with a “new” car because it’s “old”. And we haven’t had a new car in years. Others would see the added expense of a new car as a definite “want” item.

Face it. If we asked what we NEED to spend money on each month, the list would be quite short. Basics like food, utility bills, house payments, insurance would all make the list. But what about the $425 on average that you spend each month on dinners out? Is that a need or a want? Can that be cut back to a modest $125 thus saving $300 per month? What about the amount spent on vacations each year? If you look back, do you spend a few hundred dollars per year or is it thousands?

How about new furniture? Do you regularly spend money to modernize the household furnishings like a new bigger and better TV, sofa,  remodeled kitchen, new backyard furniture, new family room stereo equipment . This list can go on and on.

Each of you needs to determine what level of discretionary spending fits your budget. I believe that most WANT items should be OFF the list until ALL debt is paid off. Any money spent for “wanted” items could be used to pay down debt faster. We need to get in a position of being debt free. When you are debt free, then you can conscientiously decide what amount is “reasonable” to spend on items that are in the “want” category.

Discuss all of this with your spouse and come to a joint decision. Collaborate and be willing to compromise. You may not see the NEED for something that your spouse would really like to have. It’s OK to find a balance. But agree on this together.

You NEED to be in a place where you each WANT what is best for both of you.