Last time we looked into the prescription for a superb marriage as presented by Ed Wheat, M.D. in his book Love Life For Every Married Couple. His prescription calls for four therapeutic activities to enhance your relationship with your spouse and get the B. E. S. T. results. Here they are:
Blessing, Edifying, Sharing, Touching.
Let take a look at the last two, again with my editorial comments:
- Sharing – We are reminded here that we are to share our lives. A growing thriving relationship is built up when we do things together. We can share our time, our interests, and hobbies. We also should share our deepest concerns and fears. Our spouse should be our closest friend and confidant, someone who knows deeply our innermost emotional, physical and spiritual needs and desires. This level of intimacy only happens in an open and honest relationship that strives for ways to selflessly serve one another. Why is selfless serving so important? If your relationship is built upon each partner trying to get his or her needs met in a selfish demand context, then the very nature of sharing will be based upon “What can I get out of this?” But when we build our relationship around serving one another, then our shared experiences can be enriched by knowing that our spouse is lovingly seeking to serve us. By contrast, a dysfunctional relationship will have each spouse pursuing self-interests at the expense of a shared context. This is what can be referred to as the “roommate relationship.” You share the same living space you just don’t share your lives.
- Touching – Physical touch is a cornerstone need for every human being. We all long for the emotional connection of touch. A gentle touch of the hand says, without a word, that we care. We can communicate comfort, calm fears, and soothe pain. A superb marriage will have daily doses of comforting and heartwarming non-sexual touch. Holding hands while on a walk. A gentle neck rub. A soft touch of the cheek before a good morning kiss. These forms of touch are especially important to women who often feel that men only touch in a sexual context. Women generally appreciate the simple cuddling, snuggling, and soft gentle touches. These touches warm the heart and emotions. And when we are emotionally open and satisfied, we can enjoy the beauty of the more intimate touching between spouses. Be generous with your touches. This is clearly the most intimate way of having a shared life. The dysfunctional couple will withhold touching as a sort of blackmail to get what they want driving a wedge into the relationship. Selfishness is usually the culprit behind withholding physical touch. Touch selflessly and generously and you will enjoy a deep and truly blessed relationship.
The B E S T prescription: Blessing – Edifying - Sharing - Touching! The good doctor has spoken.