Last time we talked about making deposits to our relationship bank account and that according to studies that have been done, it takes five deposits to cover up one withdrawal. In other words, it takes five affirmative interactions with your spouse to make up for one “foot in mouth” negative interaction.
So how do you keep focused on giving enough positives in each day? How do you remember to make deposits?
I really believe that it is a state of mind. You have to have a “thankful” state of mind. If you are looking for things to be thankful about, you can take steps to express that thankfulness. As an example, let’s say your lovely wife has gotten up early on Saturday morning and made a special breakfast for you. She knows exactly what you like. And BAM! There it is, right on the kitchen table. After you have breakfast you can get up and say nothing and start your chores, because, after all, she always makes you a special breakfast on Saturday. Or you can actually express your thankfulness by telling her how much you appreciate her making a special effort each week. Here’s where you can sneak in a couple of kisses too!!
We can take our spouse for granted or we can begin to mention even the little things that we are thankful for, the things that we appreciate about our spouse. Here are a few ideas:
- Give her a big hug and tell her you appreciate your clean laundry
- Thank her for cooking a great dinner and then give her a kiss
- Rub her neck while you tell her how glad you are that you married her
- Tell her that after the kids are in bed she can have a foot rub for no particular reason
- Leave her a note in the morning and tell her she needs a break so you’ll take her to dinner
- Call her during the day and tell her you have been thinking about her
- Send her a mushy love note in the mail and don’t wait for Valentine’s Day
- Get up on Saturday morning and make her favorite breakfast
- On the way to church get her favorite cup of coffee
- Tell her often that you love her (All the ladies agree with this one)
Ladies, you can morph the list above into one that fits your man. Be creative. Look for ways to be positive. There are so many things that we can appreciate about each other and we need to express them more often.
Remember this: We are going to stick our foot in our mouth and say or do something that really does warrant us being in the dog house. That’s why we need to build up a big balance of positive deposits in that bank account. And when we do say something dumb, our spouse who has been lavished with praise this past week, is more likely to forgive us. And then we’ll only have to spend one night in the dog house, or only about as long as it takes to say you’re sorry.