It’s true that when first married, we all envision an idyllic relationship. We believe we have found our perfect match. We enjoy being together; romantic music plays in our heads and our hearts beat a little faster. We’re so lonely when apart and we jump when the phone rings because we just can’t wait to hear that voice again. This must be the right one. Everything will be oh so wonderful…
After the wedding, reality is eventually exposed. When the light turns on we uncover the boxes of issues both spouses brought to the marriage. Over time, more issues pile up as our unique problems interplay with those of our spouse. The intimacy we had is hindered and inevitably, we realize the ideal relationship we envisioned is but a dream.
We have spoken of our relationship being like a shop that is filled with clutter and boxes of old stuff. The problems and issues in those boxes hinder us from being close. And that’s where we live, in an old messy shop with problems, issues, fighting, and nagging.
Pause for a moment to reflect on this:
Can the dream of an ideal married life with a deep soul mate connection become a reality?
Imagine that you won a fantasy vacation to the most beautiful destination, a picture perfect private lover’s beach house with tall palm trees and white sand beaches. Each room has sweeping views and tasteful decor. As you look around you notice that there is no clutter, no boxes of old stuff. Each of you has been transformed. No issues keep you and the love of your life from being together, from enjoying each other fully. Every day you feel a depth of love for each other that is otherworldly. He is kind, understanding, and romantic. And she really understands your deepest needs. You deeply love one another and you want to spend the rest of your lives together, right here. You have begun to experience the joy of being soul mates.
Here’s the question: Where do you choose to live? In a cluttered messy old shop with issues and problems that keep you apart? Or will you choose to live in that idyllic location? Yes, it is a choice to be soul mates but you can’t be effortlessly transported there. We all start out in an old messy shop that we can transform into a soul mate relationship by hard work.
We must work every day on
- personal growth and
- selfless serving
In the journey, we will each grow and mature, getting rid of the old boxes and clutter. We’ll clean up the mess over time, and we’ll discover a depth of love for each other that few experience.